By: Kalyn Wilson
I read these tweets shared by Charles Brokowski (@_bhaswati_) with the comment: “Male entitlement paradox: placing a woman's entire worth on her 'virginity' so men find her more sexually appealing.” Of course my girl senses tingled feeling extremely offended. I wondered if guys really think this way, and I spoke with a few to find out.
“Honestly, I don’t care… it depends.” This was a unanimous response from three guys I spoke with, Michael O., Andrew B. and AJ, all third-years at the University of Georgia. The guys were the more sensitive of the extreme, saying that there’s no magic number of past sexual partners that disqualify her for a relationship, unlike other guys who have an algorithm to determine if a girl is too… “experienced” for him. However, they all agreed that a girl with a reputation for promiscuity is one who may be written off at first glance.
On the other end of the stick, the virgin seems to fall in similar heat. The guy who tweeted those comments above praised a girl who’s maintained her virginity - although from a chauvinistic standpoint, while putting down girls who are non-virgins. But, AJ and Michael agreed that the status of “virgin” means danger or, rarely, proceed with extreme caution.
AJ said his big issue with virgins is the attachment factor, since it’s a well-known fact that it is highly likely the virgins girls will develop a deep attachment to their first lover. He also made note that the physical experience is simply a huge responsibility and a tough task…
Andrew, however, doesn’t exactly care, mainly because he does not anticipate “attachment” as an issue. “I feel like if we end, she’ll get over it eventually,” says Andrew B. “I don’t go into it thinking of the end…”
AJ even mentioned that if a girl said she was a virgin, he either doesn’t believe her or immediately has to ask, “why?”
“Sex is like chocolate,” says AJ. “If someone tells you they don’t like it, you immediately think why.” We all get that different backgrounds and influences determine someone’s sexual patterns, but we live in a world where it is culturally normal to be sexually active and, thus - if we take into account the mentality of the guy who tweeted the Tweets, which I’m sure we can agree some people really feel that way - we have created a world where the expectation of a woman is the unexpected.
At this point in the conversation, I was both understanding and confused about their comments. It brought on a burning question: what’s a girl to do? It seems as though she loses either way, and saying “it depends,” didn’t really resonate with me.
The guys said that it depends on the reasons why this girl is whatever status she is and the guy she’s dealing with. I asked if she should lie about her sexual status - or “justify it” like the tweet-guy said above - and they said, once again, it depends.
Well, if you ask me, it “depends” on how you see yourself, ladies. For those who’ve been in the sexual game, I am a firm believer that your relationships can be independent of each other if you claim your power. You can be honest and upfront without sounding too open. And for the virgins, you don’t have to wear a sign on your shirt that says “never been plucked.”
If you make it clear that what you did with one has nothing to do with what you’ll do with the other because he’s still got to show he’s worthy. It doesn’t matter if you’ve done it before or not, what matters is if you’ll do it now, why and/or why not. And the guy who really cares, and who’s really worthy of it, will understand completely.
So the only thing I’d honestly take away from this guy’s tweets is that some guys are self-centered and think someone they can have all the sex in the world, but all the girls are still going to remain virgins and be ready and willing on their wedding night. Others, however, are more realistic and understanding, whether you’re a virgin or not. Your job is to find out which guy you’re dealing with and be firm in who you are.
And remember, your history may be an important part of you, but it does not define you, and that goes for you sexually. Be clear on who you are, and you’ll be certain to write the rest of your story exactly how you intend to.