By: Kalyn Wilson
“Sometimes by losing a battle, you find a new way to win the war.” -Donald Trump
You win some, you lose some. But somewhere along the way, I think we all wake up feeling like we are losing much more than winning. There is no frustrating feeling like that of a failure - and this is a feeling I personally struggled with recently.
Although people preach about how much this is a time for mistakes and exploration, college students know there is a major pressure to be “successful” right now. The world wants our grades to be high, our resume to be loaded and our social life to be rich. But we know that is far from easy. Possible, but not easy.
My main point of concern right now is my resume...and my internship status. I am a part of a rigorous career preparation organization called Management Leadership for Tomorrow (MLT) and through that program, we are able to apply for interviews with some of the top companies in the world - not the country, but the world. So I was excited because, in such a relatively small group of individuals, how could I not get an interview with my dream company? Well, just know I spent a good week boycotting a certain channel because I was so upset that they did not pick me (but of course that didn’t last long once Thursday rolled back around).
It was until this weekend when I was put in a room with all my MLT fellows, Target corporate leaders and other inspiring individuals such as company employees and recruiters that my defeated mentality started to melt. I heard words like, “Pursue your purpose and your passion, and not prizes,” from Jamil Ghani, VP of Enterprise Strategy for Target Corporation, and, “Be resilient,” from Gissell Catellon, another Target Corporation employee. These words and several other lessons-learned from the various sessions of this seminar resonated with me in ways that I really needed.
“It’s not over,” is what I said to my small cohort of fellows who aspire to be in the media and entertainment industry at the end of the seminar. And I finally believed it myself. I was encouraged in the reality that there are missteps on every journey - even Jamil Ghani said there were some in his - and they are not there to stop you. They are there to teach you important lessons and redirect you in the right direction.
While the frustration of failure may still sting, the faith in a bright future remains much more impactful. This weekend gave new meaning to the words “never give up.” These words now mean, “Never let a disappointment stop you in your tracks again.” We all have such a long way to go, and we will get there. But we have to master the first steps before we move on to the grand scheme of things. As cliche as it sounds, time really is of the essence. And this “no” I received no longer sounds like a “never” to me, it just sounds like a “not now.”
Let this be a lesson learned for you, too. Never stop, never quit, never lose sight of the end just because the obstacle in front of you is obstructing your view. Just regroup and keep going. Believe it or not, it’s not over yet, unless you want it to be.
By: Kalyn Wilson
I read these tweets shared by Charles Brokowski (@_bhaswati_) with the comment: “Male entitlement paradox: placing a woman's entire worth on her 'virginity' so men find her more sexually appealing.” Of course my girl senses tingled feeling extremely offended. I wondered if guys really think this way, and I spoke with a few to find out.
“Honestly, I don’t care… it depends.” This was a unanimous response from three guys I spoke with, Michael O., Andrew B. and AJ, all third-years at the University of Georgia. The guys were the more sensitive of the extreme, saying that there’s no magic number of past sexual partners that disqualify her for a relationship, unlike other guys who have an algorithm to determine if a girl is too… “experienced” for him. However, they all agreed that a girl with a reputation for promiscuity is one who may be written off at first glance.
On the other end of the stick, the virgin seems to fall in similar heat. The guy who tweeted those comments above praised a girl who’s maintained her virginity - although from a chauvinistic standpoint, while putting down girls who are non-virgins. But, AJ and Michael agreed that the status of “virgin” means danger or, rarely, proceed with extreme caution.
AJ said his big issue with virgins is the attachment factor, since it’s a well-known fact that it is highly likely the virgins girls will develop a deep attachment to their first lover. He also made note that the physical experience is simply a huge responsibility and a tough task…
Andrew, however, doesn’t exactly care, mainly because he does not anticipate “attachment” as an issue. “I feel like if we end, she’ll get over it eventually,” says Andrew B. “I don’t go into it thinking of the end…”
AJ even mentioned that if a girl said she was a virgin, he either doesn’t believe her or immediately has to ask, “why?”
“Sex is like chocolate,” says AJ. “If someone tells you they don’t like it, you immediately think why.” We all get that different backgrounds and influences determine someone’s sexual patterns, but we live in a world where it is culturally normal to be sexually active and, thus - if we take into account the mentality of the guy who tweeted the Tweets, which I’m sure we can agree some people really feel that way - we have created a world where the expectation of a woman is the unexpected.
At this point in the conversation, I was both understanding and confused about their comments. It brought on a burning question: what’s a girl to do? It seems as though she loses either way, and saying “it depends,” didn’t really resonate with me.
The guys said that it depends on the reasons why this girl is whatever status she is and the guy she’s dealing with. I asked if she should lie about her sexual status - or “justify it” like the tweet-guy said above - and they said, once again, it depends.
Well, if you ask me, it “depends” on how you see yourself, ladies. For those who’ve been in the sexual game, I am a firm believer that your relationships can be independent of each other if you claim your power. You can be honest and upfront without sounding too open. And for the virgins, you don’t have to wear a sign on your shirt that says “never been plucked.”
If you make it clear that what you did with one has nothing to do with what you’ll do with the other because he’s still got to show he’s worthy. It doesn’t matter if you’ve done it before or not, what matters is if you’ll do it now, why and/or why not. And the guy who really cares, and who’s really worthy of it, will understand completely.
So the only thing I’d honestly take away from this guy’s tweets is that some guys are self-centered and think someone they can have all the sex in the world, but all the girls are still going to remain virgins and be ready and willing on their wedding night. Others, however, are more realistic and understanding, whether you’re a virgin or not. Your job is to find out which guy you’re dealing with and be firm in who you are.
And remember, your history may be an important part of you, but it does not define you, and that goes for you sexually. Be clear on who you are, and you’ll be certain to write the rest of your story exactly how you intend to.